By Polly Sue the Weiner Dog

My name is Polly Sue and I’m on the board because I don’t know what Kathryn would do without me.  When you picture me think “glamour.”  I’m orange, long, hot dog looking, short legs, my tummy hangs down low since I’m still learning about the risks of overeating, and, overall, glamorous and charming in every way.

I make her life interesting and particularly help out with Pillars by conveniently locating myself near her computer when she is typing.  As I sit there by her feet I do many things including whining, pretending I’m eating something I shouldn’t, stealing bones from Kathryn’s sister’s collie, letting her know I need to go outside, moaning my “pick me up and rub my tummy moan”, and just being an all around successful distraction.  I have a princess bed in the corner where I sleep sometimes.  I also sleep in paper bags when they are still on the floor after she puts away groceries.  However, when it comes time to focus on Pillars I leave those other sleeping spots and make sure I’m right beside her assisting in every way I can.  The others on the board don’t help like I do.  They sit around drinking coffee and opening and closing their mouths making noises called talking.  That’s about all they do.  Never even once have I seen them sleep in paper bags, eat something off the floor that they shouldn’t, or do anything else important like the ways I help.  I’m really glad she has me to carry the burden for her and I’m going to continue to try my best to be a good bone stealer and whiner so that great things can happen through Pillars.

By Kathryn Allen

FEMININITY means:

• Liking pink frilly flowers on EVERYTHING you own and wear
• Talking with a very high voice
• Fluttering your eye lashes 28 times a second
• Disliking going camping, bugs and machines
• Thinking you are not worth as much as guys
• Never breaking a fingernail
• When someone asks you what kind of car model you have, saying while looking clueless:  “Uh, a red one that’s pretty.  I don’t know what kind of model it is.  I don’t pay attention to things like that.  But, it has a good mirror for putting on mascara and that is what is important.”

OK, so all of those are WRONG.  However, what then is femininity?

Sometimes it can be confusing.  When I was younger I thought that being feminine must mean having a pink lacey diary just like the other girls I knew.  Yet, every time I tried to write in a pink lacy diary I didn’t feel like myself.  Then I would become frustrated and think maybe I wasn’t godly enough because the other godly girls did pink lacy diaries.  It wasn’t until about 10 years later that I learned that it was just as feminine to write in a black suede journal if that’s what I wanted to do.  There was no law that to be a good woman I had to surround myself with pink and lacy things.  That was really a massive realization to me.  Pink frills do not make me more feminine, and ultimately, more pleasing to God.  That’s not what femininity is all about. 

Now that may sound like a silly example.  However, I believe there is power in that point because it shows me how so often so many of us young women are genuinely confused about the idea of what it means to be feminine. 

Today there is not a strong understanding of who young women truly are.  The world shows us examples of blond haired women on billboards modeling new kinds of shampoo.  Or, brown haired women sitting at desks becoming powerful CEOs.  (Have you ever noticed how advertisers seem to designate different hair colored women in this way?  That’s not particularly comforting since I’m blonde and had also hoped there something more to my life than just being destined to model shampoo).  In all seriousness, the world constantly bombards us with messages on who women are and from where they gain their purpose and worth.  Some of the most popular messages today are that women’s worth is in the way they look or achieve, that women are sex symbols, that women must become tough and climb corporate ladders, etc.  The world says that we women need to not let people treat us like victims in a mans’ world, to always watch our backs, to be powerful and show the men that we can be fighters and winners.  The world says a lot of things.

However, we know that the world’s understanding of women is messed up.  So, as Christian young women we want to be different.  Yet, what does this mean?  It is easy to say: “Be different from the world” but how do we know what type of different?  Someone could be different from the rest of the world by deciding to wear mismatched socks every day while becoming enthralled in underwater deep sea snail painting and wearing brussel sprouts in her hair.  That’s definitely “different.”  Yet, is that what we mean by different when we say a Christian woman should be different than the world?  Of course not.  Yet, to truly define what it means to be, as a Christian young woman, different than the world can sometimes be very difficult. 

Yes, sometimes it is hard in our Christian culture to know who we are really meant to be as godly young women.  How are we meant to be different from the world as a community of women?  And, specifically, what does it mean individually?  What does it mean for you personally to be different from the world as you walk throughout life delighting in Jesus and secure in your femininity? 

Sometimes people will hold up to us a specific woman whom they feel is the epitome of godliness and we feel pushed into molding into trying to become “just like her.”  Maybe there are many good qualities this woman has, and it is powerful to have examples from which to learn, but to feel pressure to become just like a certain person in our Christian walk is missing so much. 

There are many women who are godly examples to me whom I would like to become like in many respects.  I want to be like them because I see the fruit of Jesus shining through them.  However, God has not called me to become a clone of that person.  I don’t have to feel insecure if my skills or my personality is not the same as that woman’s.  As I seek the Lord first in my life, Jesus can give me as well those beautiful character qualities they have that attract me to them.  In His ways and timing He can develop similar character in my heart and life that are just right for whom He has created me to be. 

Christian culture, particularly because Christians often genuinely care about the welfare of others (which is very good thing in itself – God has called us to care for others), can be loaded with advice.  Well meaning Christians have told me:  “You should stay at home until you are married.”  “You should move out.”  “You should go to college.”  “You should not go to college.”  “You should work for a Congressman in DC for a few years.”  “You need to leave DC and move home.”  “You should be content working for your Congressman and not want to do crazy ministries.”  “You should be more involved in ministries.”  “You should not go to seminary.”  “You should go to seminary.”  “It is stupid to go to seminary.”  “You are so wise to be in seminary.”  “You should be more practical and not travel so much.”  “You should keep dreaming big dreams and go go go.”  “If you don’t stay home more and stop doing so many ministries you will never be content when you are a mother.”  “You should keep doing ministries while you are single.”  “You need to stop being so busy and move back home and learn how to cook.”  “You don’t know how to cook.”  “You do know how to cook.”  “You don’t like to cook.”  “Of course you like to cook.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t like to cook.”  “You should learn to like to cook.”  “If you don’t like to cook that’s OK.  You don’t have to like to do everything.”  (Many of those people that talk to me about cooking haven’t seen me cook anyway so really don’t have any reason to know if I do or I don’t know how to cook).  Craziness!!!!!  Sometimes it wears me out getting all of this advice and trying to sift through it.

I know there are areas – specific many commands of God – to which I do need to seek to conform my life (such as rejoice always, in everything give thanks, fear the Lord, develop a spirit of meekness instead of anger, etc.) Yet, it can also be easy to wonder if I need to conform to these outward images of peoples’ specific views of what it means to be a Christian woman (such as the cooking issue).  When I turn my eyes solely onto those things, though, I become stressed and discouraged after awhile.  It is as if somewhere something deep within my heart shrivels up and dies.  My heart doesn’t beat with as vibrant a joy.  It is as if I start to lose myself and the unique delight in God’s specific, beautiful, intimate calling on my life because my focus is conforming to others instead of Jesus and the still small voice He gives me as He, like a gentleman (not a condemner), guides me along in His ways. 

I believe that as Christians we need to look at something deeper instead of thinking it is the surface things people should or should not do that make someone “good” or “not good” at being feminine.  We need to look to the core essence of who God has made women to be.  We need to look at the magnificent design of a woman, the truth of what it means for our femininity to be masterfully etched into our souls by God’s hand, what it means for us to made into God’s image, and the security, purposefulness and passion God has instilled into our hearts as women.  Each of us is a cherished princess designed to respond in joy to being sought after by our living God, designed to be givers of spiritual life… to become “spiritual mothers” as we lead people around us to righteousness (we can all be spiritual mothers regardless of whether or not God allows us the privilege of being givers of physical life… biological mothers), and designed to touch the world in a uniquely powerful feminine way. 

The ways in which God brings this about in each of our lives are as countless as the facets of His own character.  We are His diamonds who are called to reflect His heart and that can be shown in many ways as we walk with Him in His design for our lives… we can reflect His creativity, passion, energy, peace, orderliness, etc. etc. etc.  Some of us may delight in basketball.  Others in ballet.  Some of us run our own restaurants.  Others tie children’s shoes and place yet another crayon drawing on the refrigerator.  We can be a reflector of Him in all of these things.  We can shine the feminine heart, and ultimately reflect the character of God, in all of these things.

So, what does it mean to be feminine?  It means being secure in the fact that God has made you a woman.  It means being in touch with the thoughts, feelings and desires of your heart.  It means knowing that the “weaknesses” the world laughs at and tries to hide in women by conning them into thinking they need to try to be masculine are not weaknesses at all.  They are strengths, things to delight in because God delights in them.  They are your glory.  It means feeling OK with the way God has delighted in making you desire to be pursued, beautiful, protected and finding joy in the fact that, whether or not a man plays the complementing role in these desires, God promises and does indeed pursue you, call you beautiful and protect you passionately.  And, it means, although it is wise to get counsel and have good accountability in your decisions, ultimately you must walk confidently in how God leads you in your heart of hearts in how you can best serve Him and reflect His character as the feminine woman God has made you to be. 

There is so much joy in coming to foundationally understand who God has created us to be as women, how God has designed our hearts, and how He has given us a very specific calling for His glory and our delight.  Look to Jesus as the One to whom you ultimately desire to model your lives after, and become secure with the feminine heart God has created within you as a reflection of His glory.
 
So, have fun this evening doing what delights your heart most.  Go butterfly catching with a flowing dress on or slide into the dirt as you land at second base in your favorite worn out jeans.  You are a woman of God, designed with perfection, destined for great things.  Be who God has created you to be. 

(PS.  And, next time someone comes up to you and gives you a speech about how you need to like to cook more or less than you do, thank them graciously, ask the Lord if truly this is or is not something He is calling you to do, and then smile in your heart knowing that your true worth as a woman is in something much larger than a pot roast.  It is in your position of royalty as a Bride of Christ if you have Jesus as Your Savior.  It is in being His much loved treasure.)